I’ve complained before, but I’ve never really gone into detail what goes on at work. Let me introduce you to two things: The beginning of a new series, the “TSR Diaries” in which I wax pathetic; and the first entry!

My job is taxing. From the outset, I answer phones with a pre-scripted greeting, troubleshoot computers, digital cameras, and printers, and send out box-kits so they can ship their equipment in or authorize technicians to work on the equipment. Not so bad until you realize I answer the phone about 40 times in a day. That’s the way its supposed to work. In addition to this, I help out newer people who don’t yet have authorization to send out parts or service, occasionally take escalations, and sometimes do mentoring.

Most people on the phone are cool. They’re your average red-blooded American who just wants their stuff to work. There are some terms of the warranty we service that can be a tad ambiguous or onerous to people, but after explained in plain English, they understand and co-operate and everybody’s happy. Just like The Pax in Serenity, there are those that don’t “lay down.” You can talk these people down and make them calm, and things are a little tense afterwards, but just be careful and you won’t set them off again. Some, there’s just no amount of talking that can make them calm. Those go to escalations.

At the end of the day, I’ve talked to dozens of people about their failing equipment, and service denials are a dime a dozen. It’s not that we don’t care, it’s just there’s finite number of things we can do. Some people don’t like that, and the abuse drags on a mind and body such as mine. but this first entry isn’t about that - you’ll just have to be patient ;).

Bob Slydell: What would you say ya do here?
Tom Smykowski: Well look, I already told you! I deal with the goddamn customers so the engineers don’t have to! I have people skills! I am good at dealing with people! Can’t you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?

God, I hated that phrase growing up. Of course, now I realize they very likely didn’t know in the first place, they were just being assholes. This recollection was sparked by Comcast recently disclosing their network policies. With many ISPs, there are rules for how to use their services. If you break those rules, then you are at risk for disconnection. That’s simple, right? But you’re not allowed to ask what the rules are! How can you possibly play by the rules if you don’t know them? On the one hand, I understand the ISPs don’t want to disclose that information because they don’t want their users to step right up to the line that the Terms of Service outlines. If every user did that, their networks would crumble. Like airlines, they oversold their network. But on the other hand, I (we/you/your neighbor) paid for services and should know what is paid for and use it how can be used.

Away from ISPs, the worst case I can remember of non-disclosure of rules was a card game. A group of us, I think at Kyle Naziaxier’s place, wanted to play some cards. We couldn’t agree on a game to play, and the asshole of the group was pushing for poker. We didn’t have any chips or anything to bet with, so it was a stupid idea to begin with. We still couldn’t agree, so the asshole said, “Alright, let’s play ****** (I don’t remember the name of the game).”  Frustrated, we gave in; it was an idea no one had suggested yet, and I’d never heard of it. “How do you play?” I asked. “You’ll figure it out,” he replied and started dealing.

After some inexplicble game-events, never in my favor of course, I started getting mad. But I realized, don’t get mad, get even! This game didn’t have any rules. All of them were made up on the spot, that was the only rule. It was like Calvinball. When my turn came around, I made a play that made no sense to make in my favor - not too much though, just enough for a little bump and I certainly wasn’t in the lead. They all looked at me like I had lobsters crawling out of my ears. Enter asshole: “That’s… not in the rules,” took the card I played and gave it back to me. I was done with this nonsense, “Fuck this, you’re a prick. How am I supposed to play the game if you won’t tell me the rules? I’m out,” threw my cards down and stormed off.

Recalling this though, I realize soemthing even more unsettling. There really were no rules to the card game, but the objective was not to “win.” The objective was to make me mad enough to leave the table so they could play poker.

Assholes.

Snickers is a loveable dog, he really is. He just does things that are gross. Most notably, he eats his own and the cat’s poop. Whenever I take him outside to do his doggie-business, it’s a race to the finish with him. The apartment complex management puts out little doodie kiosks from which cheap plastic bags are dispensed, complete with trash cans at their base after business has concluded. I almost have to dive in for the kill with one of these flimsy bags to get to the poop before the dog does.

This is ridiculous!

Why should I have to fight the dog for his poop. Obviously I’m only reinforcing the behavior by acting so excitable when he poops. This tells him that the poop is worth something, and, being a dog, he then must have to have it more than anyone else! He performs, what I call the poop-whirlwind. Snickers doesn’t poop in one place. He’ll pop a squat and then meander around, still in a squatting position. This poop-whirlwind allows him to lay a circular pattern of droppings and continue to poop, all while he eats it. To bolster the technique’s effectiveness, he spins with his butt away from me so I cannot see what he leaves, if anything. I have to assume he has, so I investigate. All the while he has already (*) left another prize for himself in which he will happily partake.

Fortunately for me, I firmly believe my sense of sight is better than this poor dog’s sense of smell - and I wear glasses. It’s sad though really. I think it’s an effect of his upbringing, and it’s all here and the links therefrom. Ame attributes his poop-eating habit to the conditions of his life before living with us, but I know better: He’s a dog. I digress, but I can see six feet away, even in the dark, better than he can sniff out his quarry from mere inches.

The best is when I defeat him and get all the nuggets he leaves. Bad is when I know he beats me to one or more. The worst is when I’m not sure if he gets any or not. I shiver in disgust as I write this, but would you want a dog with maybe-poop on his tongue? At least when I know he gets one I know to tell Ame, “don’t let the dog lick you!” Sometimes she’ll ask me and all I can say is “I dunno…”

Another similar and fun (read: gross) thing he does is eats the cat’s poop. Eris poops in a litter-box like most indoor cats, and when nobody’s looking and the laundry room is accessible, Snickers usually pilfers some litter-covered poop. The latest few times I’ve caught him, he just digs out the turds and places them in cachés. For later I guess? Who knows…

* It was at this point - not before, no no! - I realized I was making a post all about a dog who eats his own shit. Not in the planning phases, not in the ‘twinkle-in-my-eye’ phase… No. During.

I don’t agree entirely with her solutions, but I share the outrage. Give it a whirl.

Normally, I only post once per day so I don’t overpost, but I had to share this if you hadn’t already seen it.

xkcd had a comic a long time ago; something to the effect of “I just can’t get passionate about copyright law.” It’s true, I tend to be pretty apathetic about the whole situation, but sometimes little things grab my attention.

For example, I believe the nightmare, What Happens in Vegas, released on DVD with “Digital Copy.” This promotional doohickey allows you to view the DVD on your digital media devices with very little hassle. I don’t know if the “Digital Copy” copy of the film is copy-protected or has other DRM schema associated with it, but the simple fact that studios are willing to provide a more… “volatile” (?) format for consumers is a step in the right direction.

I promised myself I’d keep this entry short, so I’ll cut to the chase: Even if the movie is terrible, I may be willing to purchase the DVD for the sole reason of supporting this practice.

“Physics is to math as sex is to masturbation.” - R. Feynman