TSR Diaries: English as a first language… and second, and third
Some people just cannot speak. This is different than not being able to read, and realize illiteracy makes me sad. Not the same thing here. Not being able to infuriates me. People call in, and sometimes I really have to bend my brain into a weird shape to understand what people are saying. Accents can be difficult, especially native English speakers from other countries. South Africa is cool to listen to, but an Outbacker from Australia (is that the right term? I’m not Australian, but I am talking about someone from the desert, definitely not Sydney.*) is a bit weird.
The most common speech problem I’ve encountered is the “Swallowed R” or, more whimsically, “Wubble-yoos.” I don’t know if “Swallowed R” is the technical term for it, but this is my lay-term. Here are some examples of what I mean:
- R is pronounced “ARRR” not “ahwll”
- One, two, thwee, foall, five, six, seven.
- The quick bwoeln fawkes jumped ovahl the lazy dalg
That last one may not be fair or nice, but that’s an extreme case of Wubble-yoos. I’ll be cool here though, sometimes speech impediments can’t be helped and I don’t hold it against people with this issue – that’s not the kind of asshole I am. What does bother me is people being lazy about their elocution and enunciation.
Please, please, please (I can’t stress this enough it seems!) open your mouth and use your tongue and teeth to form your words, people! Just because you’re okay sounding like a four-year-old (I’m sorry, “foall-yeahl-ahld”), and those around you are used to it, doesn’t mean it’s acceptable outside your bubble.
Take a damn English course and get it right! Make it your second language, and if you still can’t swing it, make it your third language too. Language is important, and, while I understand the natural evolution of a language is to reduce muscle-movement complexity (look at Chinese), don’t push towards that harder! If everyone pronounced things how they felt, nobody would know what the hell anyone was saying!
*As I was writing the word Sydney above, a call came in and it was an American calling me via VOIP from Australia! How’s that for a coincidence? I asked him what the proper term was for someone from the Outback, and he said that one would say they were “from the bush.” neat!
Tags: English