Ame and I don’t live in a house just yet, but we still have neighbors. Technically, they’re fellow tenants of the “apartment community,” but it’s all the same really. Just like the general population, most people fall below the radar and go unnoticed and undetected, but there are those that grab your attention and sometimes you feel bad for not having paid a nickel first for staring. I usually catch these exhibits in their natural habitat while I’m walking the dog.

In the next building over, either there’s a new resident or someone has a new boyfriend. Whatever the case, someone is the too-proud-to-realize-they’re-ridiculous owner of a tricked out black SUV. Whenever they pull into the parking spot, they, presumably to corral their booty-call, honk their horn to signal their arrival. The most horrible, slightly off-key, and off-meter rendition of the most famous phrase from the theme music of The Godfather blasts the parking lot. It must be hilarious to play Speak Softly Love because they keep doing it again and again.

Then there’s Blue Mustang Guy. I’ve figured out he lives on the third floor of my building, but Blue Mustang Guy pays a little extra per month for a covered parking spot for his tuned-up early-model blue Ford Mustang. He is out there nearly every day, during the day, tinkering with it, adjusting it, revving it up, and, while I’ve never seen him do it but wouldn’t put it past him, rubbing it with a diaper. One of these days I’m going to leave a gift as if it were from the car itself on his doorstep or on the hood. What is the gift? One of those freaky muffler attachments you install on the exhaust pipe so you can have sex with your car.

Ame and I live in a pretty nice apartment complex too. I don’t get why we have these kinds of freaks – especially car nuts. We’re moving in the next coming weeks, so we won’t see these freaks anymore, but I have no doubt we’ll be seeing all new ones.

This post is about human waste, and as such, there’s a page break for the squeamish. I also don’t want it smeared all over my front page. Awww! I did it anyway.

God, this post is awful, don’t read it.

(more…)

Ame and I are hosting a Dungeons & Dragons game at our place with a bunch of people that I’ve known through the years – all from my alma mater. I’ve mentioned Chad and Bobby before, but Dave and Matt and their wives have joined in as well.

I haven’t played or DM’d in awhile, so it’s a lot of fun. I’m running a 4th edition home-brew campaign and so far, the players are really liking it. Ame started off as the Dungeon Master, but I have since taken over duties and made the campaign my own.

The first week, Ame and I thought Snickers would be a big butthole and get in the way. In reality, he caused the least amount of trouble and people spilled their drinks on the floor at least three times. Eris wanted nothing to do with the whole group and sulked in the furthest corner she could find.

Since then, it’s been hard to get people together due to real life getting in the way, even when we try to hold it on Saturday. So far Ame, Chad, and Dave and his wife Traci are the core members. Matt and his wife have since dropped, not because they don’t do D&D, but they’ve moved quite far away to be practical.

This last session though was a blast: Under cover of darkness, my players infiltrated (ala Rambo: First Blood Part 2) and torched the bandit camp west of town and discovered the trapped, secret vault of treasure. Chad’s character, a druid named Elgar, brazenly walked into the main building and threw a Molotov cocktail at the guards and caught them all on fire. As that fire quickly spread, Traci’s cleric, Sam, blocked the door and wailed on them as they vainly attempted to escape.  Ame (Orianna) and Dave (Lyfe) have just discovered the vault of treasure that I’ve yet to roll up. They should hope I roll well!

These characters and players (except Chad) are all still new, so this whole bit of adventure should push them over the top to level 2. I hope they don’t find the treasure disappointing though – they are level 1 still after all. It shouldn’t too bad though, they’re all gamers (except Traci), so they should understand a level 1 treasure might not be the best, but should only get better.

I took the day off this last Saturday, and Ame and I went to the “local” renaissance fair, Scarborough Fair. I try to make it out every year and I’ve brought Ame along the last three years now. The shows are getting a bit stale unfortunately, but I’m not sure that’s not because I’m getting older and the place really is for kids when you think about it, even as bawdy as it is.

This year I got Ame some neat clothes to go with some other clothes she got herself; My renaissance fashion (”Scarb Garb”) vocabulary is seriously lacking so we’ll just stick with the word ‘clothes.’ Ame got me a wooden katana to go with my wooden longsword I already have from previous trip. My old roommate, Matt, says they’re not real, but say they’re wooden.

Whenever I go somewhere there are tons of people, I’m bound to run into someone I know and this trip was no exception. We instantly recognized eachother and he even called me by name, but, and it’s honestly been bugging me ever since, I can’t remember his! All I could blurt out was something like, “hey it’s you, I know you too!” So, whoever you were, I’m sorry I couldn’t and still can’t remember your name. Don… Phil… ?

As with any trip through South Dallas on Interstate 35, you pass the Dallas Zoo. I’ve not actually been to the zoo itself, hearing that it’s not all that great – also it’s in South Dallas. But out front, there is a very prominent giraffe statue marking its entrance. I had passed it as simply a landmark a few times on my trips to and from college and my parent’s place in the Austin area without thinking much of it.

On a group trip to the renaissance fair several years ago, Allison pointed out the chest vagina and now I can never un-see it. I bust out laughing everytime and heartily announce and point to it like a perverse tour guide to whomever I’m with.

Chest Vagina! This zoom-in is horrible. Click the picture for a bigger version and you'll see what I'm talking about

After our outing we invited some friends over for Dungeons & Dragons, but that’s another post.

Thought I’d move to a place where my credit could stink and nobody would care
I just wish that somebody had told me that place was a Renaissance Fair!