The movie, War, sucked. I saw the previews and was excited because it had Jet Li and Jason Statham. I mean, how could you fuck this up? Oh… Philip G. Atwell as director. You may not have heard of him, and you’d be right! He’s directed such music videos as N.W.A.’s “Hello” and “Bitch Please.”

I really do blame Mr. Atwell for this failure. The story was pretty standard action cliché, but it just felt ridiculous because for an action movie, there was no action – just a bunch of half-second cuts of what looked like blurry Jason Statham. I never even saw Jet Li do anything noteworthy. That’s not cool, right?

I will say that I enjoyed the appearance of some Hollywood Foreign Equivalents. Oh, you’ve not heard of these? Enjoy!

Julianne Moore and her Japanese Equivalent, Devon Aoki

Christopher Walken and his Japanese equivalent, John Lone

Bruce Willis and his English Equivalent, Jason Statham

Am I so wrong here?