A long time ago, I said I didn’t care about the environment, and, don’t get me wrong or lying here, I still think the same way, but I feel the urge to clarify some of my hatred for helping Mother Earth.

First, I don’t actively hate the planet; I simply have no regard for it. It is simply a massive chunk of rock floating in space that we, as humans, live on. If there are terrible things that must be done to get the things I need and want like beer and condoms, so be it.  The Earth be damned along with any other obstacle. That pretty much sums up my previous rant in different words.

To continue, I am absolutely willing to participate in ’save the whales’ escapades as long as I, personally, benefit from it – or if the indirect benefits serve the ends that I believe in like space travel, robot bodies, or something like that. Solar power immediately comes to mind, but that’s not the best, simplest example, and I’ll get to that. A good example is Xeriscaping.

If you’re not aware of what Xeriscaping is, it’s a method of landscaping your yard in a way that matches the local biosphere. Xeriscaping is pushed harder in drier climates where water is more scarce. The goal of Xeriscaping is to conserve water because you don’t have to water the yard at all and it still looks like it’s supposed to: total shit. I’m not sure what the tip-off was that I don’t like it, but it serves as a good example because it saves me yard work.

Also, I like the move away from paper forms and such. A lot of things can be done online and a major selling point is that it saves paper, which, in turn saves trees from the lumberyard. I don’t give a shit. I like paperless systems because it means I don’t have as much crap stacked up in physical file folders. Digital is so much easier for me.

Solar power research deserves its own rant though, so I’ll try to be brief here. Actually, once I think about it solar power research doesn’t really belong in this rant very much, but it might. It could belong here though if the resources required to fabricate solar cells harms the planet in some way. Personally, I don’t know – but if it did, I’d say “so what?” It furthers my interests.

I’ll participate in your gay tree-hugging parade and it may looklike I want to make the world a greener place, but no – I just want more and cooler stuff to make my life easier. I want my Xbox!

God, I hated that phrase growing up. Of course, now I realize they very likely didn’t know in the first place, they were just being assholes. This recollection was sparked by Comcast recently disclosing their network policies. With many ISPs, there are rules for how to use their services. If you break those rules, then you are at risk for disconnection. That’s simple, right? But you’re not allowed to ask what the rules are! How can you possibly play by the rules if you don’t know them? On the one hand, I understand the ISPs don’t want to disclose that information because they don’t want their users to step right up to the line that the Terms of Service outlines. If every user did that, their networks would crumble. Like airlines, they oversold their network. But on the other hand, I (we/you/your neighbor) paid for services and should know what is paid for and use it how can be used.

Away from ISPs, the worst case I can remember of non-disclosure of rules was a card game. A group of us, I think at Kyle Naziaxier’s place, wanted to play some cards. We couldn’t agree on a game to play, and the asshole of the group was pushing for poker. We didn’t have any chips or anything to bet with, so it was a stupid idea to begin with. We still couldn’t agree, so the asshole said, “Alright, let’s play ****** (I don’t remember the name of the game).”  Frustrated, we gave in; it was an idea no one had suggested yet, and I’d never heard of it. “How do you play?” I asked. “You’ll figure it out,” he replied and started dealing.

After some inexplicble game-events, never in my favor of course, I started getting mad. But I realized, don’t get mad, get even! This game didn’t have any rules. All of them were made up on the spot, that was the only rule. It was like Calvinball. When my turn came around, I made a play that made no sense to make in my favor – not too much though, just enough for a little bump and I certainly wasn’t in the lead. They all looked at me like I had lobsters crawling out of my ears. Enter asshole: “That’s… not in the rules,” took the card I played and gave it back to me. I was done with this nonsense, “Fuck this, you’re a prick. How am I supposed to play the game if you won’t tell me the rules? I’m out,” threw my cards down and stormed off.

Recalling this though, I realize soemthing even more unsettling. There really were no rules to the card game, but the objective was not to “win.” The objective was to make me mad enough to leave the table so they could play poker.

Assholes.

Apparently the Oscar Meyer Weiner-mobile is truly a sight to behold. I got this in my in-box today, font screwiness and all:

Look what we saw this past weekend on our way back from Austin along I-10. Last time I saw this I was about 10 years old!

My dad, who is now in his mid-50s, must not get out much. I’m 23 and I’ve seen the Oscar Meyer Weiner-mobile a handful, practically a dozen, of times. I’m compelled to say something like “You saw the hot dog car; how very exciting for you,” but that’s just hateful. I then thought to share in his enthusiasm, but that’s just like lying, you know? I can’t lie to my dad.

Next time we speak on the phone, I’ll just say I saw it and say it was neat when he asks me about it.

That is what I truly want to be
‘Cause if I were an Oscar Mayer wiener
Everyone would be in love with me.

Stop releasing incomplete services and labeling them as “beta.”

Thanks,
Everyone

P.S.: Suck a bag of cocks.