I’ve been bothered by my latest project. Without going into detail, it’s a web-based programming project that leverages MySQL and PHP. I know how to design and code, but I’ve hit a wall of… I don’t want to say creativity, more like, philosophy. There’s a problem, and it may not be a problem at all, that I simply don’t have a solution to. Hopefully, it’s just a matter of time.

I wish I could discuss the project here more, but I’m well aware it breaks a lot of license agreements. The goal is to make something cool to show off to people and impress them with my ability to make a finished product. It is not intended for a wide release, but I won’t rule it out entirely. I also want to use and rely on it myself, and making it web-accessible is a major plus.

Usually, when a programmer makes an app, it works great, but looks like shit. Don’t ask an artist to make an app. Just don’t. I must not be an artist, but I know I’m not a programmer. Ame tells me I’m a designer at heart, but nobody wants just an “idea man.” Sometimes I advertise myself as a “jack of all trades,” and keep to myself the rest of the phrase: “master of none.”  I fully expect the more intelligent people to whom I give that line to breathe in what I say and internally mumble my own omission in unison.

Perhaps I need a new slogan that still says, “hey this guy can do an awful lot of things pretty damn well. He can put out fires, and even build water towers.” A horrible analogy, but hey, I’m flying by the seat of my pants here.

So that’s me talking about the app, and around the app, but like I said, I wish I could go into more detail about what the app actually is. More on the snag though: it’s like I don’t know how to think about the problem at hand. The least bad solution I can come up with is to put the problem aside and keep working on the things I do know how to solve. That thought keeps me less discouraged, and that may just be the pick-me-up I need to continue. Something else encouraging is I have a couple friends that know how to think like I need to think, and they’re quite approachable, even if they have to dumb things down to my level.

When I fret about the fact I can’t solve a problem, especially an important one (not just struggling with a particularly difficult Sudoku), I question my whole ability as a human to function in society. In some ways I need to chill out and relax, but I take so few things seriously, that I fear my entire motivation to do anything would collapse. I get so caught up in the problem though, that I get cranky and depressed, worst of all distracted and inattentive – and that’s never a good thing, especially when it negatively effects into other areas of life.

By the time this post goes live, hopefully I’ll be back in the swing of things, and banging away on the project.