Orignally posted 2006-02-11 on an old Livejournal account, Dave reminded me of this as he mentioned The Olympics in passing.

Not new content, but hey, content is content!

There are few things I like less than the Winter Olympics. Muppets come to mind, but that’s not the point. So much of “the games” are not sports. Subjectivity only goes so far, so why waste your life on a cheap piece of metal? Sure you get the respect of your peers, but on the whole, nobody really cares. But I digress; I now present to you my Not a Sport Extravaganza – Winter Olympics 2006 Edition!

• Biathalon – aka “Ski and Shoot”
  Not a sport. Yes, it has roots in survival, but shooting targets and moving to another location to shoot more targets is not a sport. It’s called target practice on a mountain in snow. The name biathalon is also the most undescriptive name for an event – I’m sorry, two events. It could really be anything. If the IOC made Fuck and Suck a sport for the games, it’d be called the biathalon too. People would show up with a gun and skis ready to go. They probably wouldn’t be turned away due to bonus points in “artistic interpretation.” Fuck the biathalon.
  Score: 2/10 (Extra points for having guns. Firearms are cool.)
• Bobsleigh – aka “Bobsled“ Fuckin’ Euros
  Not a sport. Going down an ice slide in cock-shaped fiberglass and lexan dildo for four is not a sport. Granted, it takes skill and teamwork to complete the course in record time, but so does group sex. I can go to a regulation bobsled course right now, put on some teflon coated scuba gear, and complete the run without any trouble. Bobsled is not a sport; it’s an amusement park ride. Fuck the Bobsled.
  Score: 0/10
• Curling
  Not a sport. Actually, wait… yes. It is a sport. The rules are fucked up because 500 years ago, poor Scottish people made them up when they should have been inside, making themselves busy not dying from the cold. I attribute hypothermia induced madness to this sport. A better sport though would be ice basketball. Imagine top-heavy basketball stars slipping all over the court. There would be all time low scoring games of 0-0 that would never end. Knowing Olympic-types though, Greenland would field dwarves and midgets and win all three medals by scoring any points at all against the other teams. Anyway, the ruling still stands: Fuck Curling.
  Score: 1/10 (It made me think of ice-basketball)
• Hockey
  A sport. Hockey Rules. Fuck you.
  Score: 9/10 (USA doesn’t win every time, but it’s still awesome)
• Luge
  Not a sport. In all its variations, from skeleton to two man luge – the manliest, I’m sorry… faggiest of all luges – it’s just the same as bobsled, except this time, the risk of serious injury goes up. It’s like someone stole the chassis from the teams’ bobsled and the judges were like, “fuck it, push ‘em down!” Better event: Standing Luge. Riders stand on their luge sled and must remain standing throughout the course. You win by standing the whole time – none of this kneeling shit – and staying alive. Skeleton Luge is suicidal. In regular luge, the rider looks down over his body, but in skeleton luge, the rider’s neck cranes upward. I’m just waiting to hear of a skeleton luge accident in which the descriptor “pez-dispenser” is used. Fuck the Luge.
  Score: 3/10 (Bloody decapitation can be entertaining – just ask the French! Also, Pez is yummy)
• Skating
  Not a sport. Anything where you can score more points for being artistic is a load of bullshit. From singles to doubles, it’s all about who can do more lutzs or axels in increasing difficulty. I can appreciate the technical aspects of skating; I certainly will never be able, or want to for that matter, to do the things these atheletes are capabale of doing. They are atheletes. It takes immense dicipline to perform with such precision and stamina, but for what? Just so Germany can give you a 9.4 instead of a 9.3? What if Germany’s judge having a bad day? He could totally screw Poland or France by invading their – wait… whatever. Fuck skating.
  Score: -5/10 (Bullshittery enhanced due to annoying whiners and 2002’s multiple medals. Negative score)
• Skiiing
  Two pieces of plastic + snow + mountain = fun. But not a sport. I have few words for this event, but imagine if you will an activity that will destroy your knees before your 40^th birthday: The moguls. How about one where you try to jump as far as possible down a mountain, risking shattered ankles and a smashed face? If that’s not to your taste, try the one that’s most like ice-skating: freestlye snowboarding. What the fuck? Who allowed snowboarding into the Olympics? Seriously, Halfpipe Snowboarding is an Olympic Event! Complete with Indy Nosebones and Tailgrabs! I expect a written apology on my desk, IOC. Fuck Skiing (and now apparently Snowboarding)
  Score: 2/10 (Serious injury can also be entertaining. If snowboarding’s in, I’m waiting for half-pipe skateboarding)

It’s fun to reminisce! Especially if it’s bitchy!

Regarding the hard and fast DTV Transition today, /.user ObsessiveMathsFreak had this to say:

REPENT! Repent ye geeky sinners! For the end of days is upon ye!

Lo! As it is written, there shall befall a great and terrible calamity upon all the kin of the nerdy, and their most precious gadgets and devices shall be laid low by the machinations of the wicked! And they shall lament, and make agitated phone calls even in the early hours of the late morning!

And there shall be a great moaning as the geeky rise to diagnose the woes of their parents and uncles and aunts and cousins and neighbors and co-workers and friends and even children! Naught will your warnings save you as the wretched shall pay no need. And ye shall be swamped with piteous wails and whinges as the masses of humanity beat down thy doors and fill up they inboxes with useless protestations and opinions and heed not thy councils.

Thou shalt spend thy last days overseeing the procurement and installation of countless digital devices. Yea, in peoples very living rooms! And thou shalt be condemned to maintain and provide unpaid support for each and every one of these cheap and buggy imports till the end of thy unhappy life.

Repent geeky sinners! Give up thy sinful social ways and cast off thy connections to society, like the mathematicians and programmers of old! Give up thy internet and telephone connections and families and social life! Give up and repent, lest ye be danmed! REPENT!

Unapologetically stolen without permission from here in this discussion. Misspellings included!

Army Mechanic’s Garage Tinkering Yields 18-Foot Mecha Exoskeleton

Now that’s what I’m talking about!

I’ve talked about how I wanted to be Iron Man before, and this guy is doing it. This Aussie should team up with Bear Suit Guy and his MJOLNIR-reminiscent Trojan body armor so they can create something truly spectacular.

I’ve also been following the HALproject for awhile. This one is a man-sized suit that increases the strength of the wearer several fold and it all runs on battery power. Super slick, and I’m not surprised it’s being developed by the Japanese. What’s hilarious and unnerving at the same time, is the company that plans to produce these units is Cyberdyne.

I’ll be back

Edit: Here are some links – I haven’t viewed them, but I’m sure they’re content-tastic.

• Here’s a really short video of it in action
• Here’s the designer talking about it
• And here’s his website (under construction, but with some technical info)

I stole these links and even the intro text from a slashdot comment.

I took the day off this last Saturday, and Ame and I went to the “local” renaissance fair, Scarborough Fair. I try to make it out every year and I’ve brought Ame along the last three years now. The shows are getting a bit stale unfortunately, but I’m not sure that’s not because I’m getting older and the place really is for kids when you think about it, even as bawdy as it is.

This year I got Ame some neat clothes to go with some other clothes she got herself; My renaissance fashion (”Scarb Garb”) vocabulary is seriously lacking so we’ll just stick with the word ‘clothes.’ Ame got me a wooden katana to go with my wooden longsword I already have from previous trip. My old roommate, Matt, says they’re not real, but say they’re wooden.

Whenever I go somewhere there are tons of people, I’m bound to run into someone I know and this trip was no exception. We instantly recognized eachother and he even called me by name, but, and it’s honestly been bugging me ever since, I can’t remember his! All I could blurt out was something like, “hey it’s you, I know you too!” So, whoever you were, I’m sorry I couldn’t and still can’t remember your name. Don… Phil… ?

As with any trip through South Dallas on Interstate 35, you pass the Dallas Zoo. I’ve not actually been to the zoo itself, hearing that it’s not all that great – also it’s in South Dallas. But out front, there is a very prominent giraffe statue marking its entrance. I had passed it as simply a landmark a few times on my trips to and from college and my parent’s place in the Austin area without thinking much of it.

On a group trip to the renaissance fair several years ago, Allison pointed out the chest vagina and now I can never un-see it. I bust out laughing everytime and heartily announce and point to it like a perverse tour guide to whomever I’m with.

Chest Vagina! This zoom-in is horrible. Click the picture for a bigger version and you'll see what I'm talking about

After our outing we invited some friends over for Dungeons & Dragons, but that’s another post.

Thought I’d move to a place where my credit could stink and nobody would care
I just wish that somebody had told me that place was a Renaissance Fair!

I know this is old news, but whatever. I’ve been looking forward to this going live for months, and I’m very happy that it’s up and running. It’s still technically beta, but the core is there, and that’s what matters to me.

If you don’t know what it is, it’s Quake III Arena plus a lot of extra tweaks (namely, a game that’s actually finished) and it runs directly in your web browser. Best of all, it’s free, and funded by in-game advertising while you frag. I think the model works, and I’m glad to see it being seriously attempted by id software.

See if you can find me, or better yet: add me as a friend.

Hello [carpal tunnel], my old friend,
Ive come to talk with you again,
Because a vision softly creeping,
Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence.